Motherhood as a kaleidoscope to our strength as women

Before being pregnant I was always in the pursuit of something. I was the first one to always trying to find ways to become more confident, more successful, more everything, I would go to the newest class, buy all the personal development books etc. I could never REALLY pin point what was the thing that I really thought would make me whole. I would hear everywhere “You are already whole, nothing outside of you will make you whole”, I got it theoretically but at that point in my life I could not really see my worth, my power. I would get glimpses sometimes when I would go through challenges and overcome them but it would be short lived.

Since becoming a mother, I think I am coming in contact more and more with that power. Having a baby did not make me whole, no, it made me come in contact more directly with the strength that was already there. It expanded who I thought I was, and what I thought I was capable of. The limits were within my mind, there were not real.

That power was always inside, it was always reachable but doubts, outside voices, expectations, ideas of ideals were obstructing the road to tap into it.

Having a little being depend on me, not giving me the time to doubt but to act was one of the secrets to come into contact more and more with that power.

I discovered inner ressources, strength that I did not know I had. Yes, I would feel like I lost other strengths, other ways of thinking or acting but what I had now was deeper, stronger, and much more resilient than any other version of me that came before.

Sure, during those first newborn weeks what I did not exactly feel what I thought strength and power were… but once I got over them I realised that it was one of the ways they expressed themselves, by making me go through it, by growing from it, by nurturing when I thought I had nothing left in me.

So, it is not to say that a woman does not have power without becoming a mum, it is just that becoming a mum fast tracks the road to tap into that power that we sometimes doubt we have. I think it comes from the fact that becoming a mother puts us undeniably in contact with our instinctive side, with our “wild” self, this opens up a whole new window into who we are and what we are capable of.

The year before being pregnant I read a book that really helped me get in touch with my power, and strength (as if somehow it was preparing the soil for this pregnancy). This book is “Women who run with the wolves” By Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Here is one of the quotes that resonate with the idea of power in my opinion.

“Remember, there is a natural time after childbearing when a woman is considered to be of the underworld. She is dusted with its dust, watered by its water, having seen into the mystery of life and death, pain and joy during her labor. So, for a time she is ‘not here’ but rather still ‘there.’ It takes time to re-emerge.”

In this book I think that the infinite power is talked about with the term “wild”. It is in her wilderness that our power resides. Once we are not held by societal expectations, or our own limits we are capable of everything and anything we decide.

I am wild.

Wild Woman.

When women hear those words, an old, old memory is stirred and brought back to life. The memory is our absolute, undeniable, and irrevocable kinship with the wild feminine, a relationship which may become ghosty from neglect, buried from over domestication, outlawed by the surrounding culture, or no longer understood anymore. We may have forgotten her names, we may not answer when she calls ours, but in our bones we know her, we yearn toward her; we know she belongs to us and we to her.There are times when we experience her, even if only fleetingly, and it makes us mad with wanting to continue. For some women, this vitalising ‘taste of the wild’ comes during pregnancy, during nursing their young, during the miracle of change in oneself as one raises a child, during attending to a love relationship as one would attend to a beloved garden. As sense of her also comes through the vision; through sights of great beauty. I have felt her when I see what we call in the woodlands a Jesus-God sunset. I have felt her move in me from seeing the fishermen come up from the lake at dusk with lanterns lit, and also from seeing my newborn baby’s toes all lined up like a row of sweet corn. We see her where we see her, which is everywhere.

Motherhood does not have to be that disempowering thing that we need to fear. Do not let society, expectations from other take away from the joy, the immense growth, the resilience, the happiness that come from motherhood. On the contrary, you can use it as a window to yourself as to how you were always that person that had immense strength, care, love inside and your baby is that very precious being that unlocked those treasures that were there all along.

You have got all this strength, new founds ressources for all the aspects of your life. It has not taken away from you, it has added, expanded you into everything that you already had inside. Motherhood is like the kaleidoscope that was handed to you to see all the dimensions of yourself you did not see before. Your baby is the light you needed to let your power shine. It might feel like your power is dimmed some days, but know that your treasures are always there, ready to sparkle.